This time unlike the past ones I got tot talk with some really impressive painters one on one and hand out fryers for my wed galleries but I couldn't help feeling that I don't belong, walking around feel's like everything's was so pretentious and phony, I'm just a dorky comic book guy and yeah I try to give my work some point but not bash people over the head with it like that shit. ( fucking sculpture made of Legos)
Miami likes to pretend that it's as good as NY an LA but really it's so self-explanatory that there aren't more then two lowbrow/pop art like shop/art galleries to go to that features the type of art that I do, Tate's comics and Pink Ghost an both galleries are run by women who have an obvious bias to cutesy kitschy tokidoki, hello kitty art crap that I don't do. I mean it's not like I have any reservations about doing that sorta shit and I'm not as dynamic as people give me credit for but still I like to think I'm NO WHERE NEAR as one dimensional as this shit. -
So where does my work belong? Comic conventions? Well yeah but that's a once in blue moon thing, that plus I don't the money to do that sorta stuff anyways and you like save up rent a table only to have kids dressed like Naruto staring down at your work confused asking you to draw fanart for a manga character that's name you can't pronounce. [ಠ_ಠ]
Anyways so you can see why I'm a little off my game, That and as a few of you know I like working to some sorta deadline or event and so if the times up or event has passed it's hard for me to stay focused.
Sometimes I just feel's like I'm a big idea man who's plans and idea's go no where, then I think of my Dad who's life was one failed money scheme after another and now he's an old man with nothing to show from it but a life filled with bitterness, regret and envy. Man I fucking don't want to end up like that and that fear is the main reason that I nearly ended it all on the train tracks after I got kicked of art school, (so help me god I'd rather be dead then end up like him.) It doesn't help that my birthday's coming this December, So many people have done so much with their lives and I can't help feeling like I have nothing to show for mine but a stack of crumbling sculpture's and dusty sketchbooks with parents that are becoming feeble and no money to take care of them. At lest it's good to know I'm not alone feeling this way, talking to a few friends around the same age as me, maybe it's all apart of getting older, still it doesn't make things any better to feel like a failure even if your friends fail with you as well, in the end just show's that we all are just loser's.
( Doug's always such a positive guy) yeah I am but sometimes, you got to be a realest there's a fine line between seeing the glass half full and being in denial.
Anyways I'll try to post some new stuff soon, just excuse me so I can shake off the dust and if my body's a little numb form life's knock out punch.
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